Lives of Style is proud to introduce our NEW “Dating-Speak” Authority: Laura Pugliese.
Laura–formally trained at the WANT Institute by the pre-eminent relationship therapist–Dr. Pat Allen, is a Certified Communications Coach–one of only 100 who have personally studied under Dr. Allen. Laura combines her training, life experience and spiritually-driven gift for manifesting potent communications in interpersonal relationships. Laura teaches her clients how to cut through emotional reactions and communicate rationally with integrity and love.
Today our “Dating-Speak” Authority–Laura shares must-know dating do’s and don’ts that will help you find the success in your relationships.
Lives of Style: You find yourself on a never-ending date. What are some polite ways to make an exit?
Laura: You can say, “I have an early start to my day tomorrow, and I need to get home and get a good night’s rest. What are your thoughts about us finishing up soon?”
Lives of Style: When faced with awkward silence on a date, what are some interesting topics that spark conversation? Or do you just stay quiet and let him lead the conversation?
Laura: It’s respectful to allow a pause for a minute or two to give his brain a chance to think. Women tend to think and process faster than men. If it seems to be going beyond that you can say, “I would love to learn some things about you, and I am open to sharing some things about myself. Is it okay with you if I ask you some questions, and is there anything you want to ask me about?”
Lives of Style: What can a woman do if she catches her man cheating?
Laura: The first thing is to take care of herself and her feelings by choosing to remove herself from the immediate situation. She can say, “You have every right to do as you wish and be with this other woman, however I do not want to be in a relationship with you if you are going to do that. I am going to leave now. If you want to discuss this further then you can contact me. If and when I feel comfortable I will respond.” Give yourself time to decompress, and it would be beneficial to see a therapist to help sort out your feelings to see if you want to be open to healing and moving on or perhaps couple’s counseling with the possibility of reconciliation if you both want to work towards that. When he contacts you, you can say, “I am open to us discussing this in a session together with my therapist. Are you willing to meet me there and pay for it?” If he says, “Yes,” then agree to make the appointment.
Lives of Style: The longer you’ve been dating, the less you go out. No more dress-up or romantic evenings…The dinners have stopped and the flowers have dried….and he’s on the couch, asking you to order pizza. Five months in and you’re committed to saving this ship from sinking–what can a woman say.
Laura: She can say, “Honey, I want to talk with you about something that feels uncomfortable. Is now a good time?” Wait until he says, “Yes,” or until he indicates it is a good time. Then you can say, “I do love the settled feeling of our relationship, and I enjoy relaxing at home. What is feeling uncomfortable to me is that we are not having any romantic evenings out, and it makes me feel sad. I miss the sparks that date nights together ignite. What are your thoughts about us bringing regular date nights back into our relationship to enhance the intimacy?”
Lives of Style: What does a woman say if she wants to get married but her boyfriend says that he still needs time?
Laura: She can say, “I know I want to be married. I respect you and I appreciate you being honest with me that you need more time. I am open to being in this relationship for a total of one year before getting engaged. (Say this if it’s been under a year. A relationship should be able to move to engagement by the end of one year.) Do you think you will be ready by then?” If it’s already past one year then you can say, “I am comfortable to be in this relationship for three more months without being engaged. Do you think you will be ready by then?” If it is past a year and you never mentioned wanting to be engaged by then, it is fair to give an up to three months to let his brain ruminate and process for it.
While Laura may not be able to email each of you individually, she will answer select questions on her weekly blog.
Remember, log onto www.livesofstyle.com/the_last_word/ and email Laura at Laura@livesofstyle.com