Get Successful in Dating


Dating-Speak” ™ ©2014: Our Lives of Style authority–Laura Pugliese shares must-know dating “Do’s and Don’ts” that will help you find success in your relationships:

Lives of Style: I’ve been communicating back and forth with a man who resides in Northern California and I live in LA. I’m going up there next weekend for a work convention. How do I let him know that I am available, because he hasn’t asked me out yet?

Laura: It would make sense that you would mention to him that you are going to be in his area. It’s an opportunity to meet if the timing works for him and he wants to meet you. The next time he calls you to talk you could say, “Next weekend I happen to have a work convention to go to in your area. I know it’s short notice, so I understand if it’s not good timing. I just wanted to let you know in case you wanted to meet and talk in person while I am there. What are your thoughts?” If he says it’s not good timing, then accept it. At the same time don’t let too much time go by before getting a set date to meet or you run the risk of becoming emotionally attached to with whom someone you may not have any physical chemistry.

Lives of Style: My boyfriend recently broke up with me and I recently started dating again. I’m going out with a man who I don’t really like just to keep myself busy. We have plans for Saturday night, and he hasn’t yet called to confirm. Should I even follow up?

Laura: Be patient, and give him time to call and confirm. He may be busy working and has every intention of getting back to you when he has a chance to get out of his work brain. If you don’t hear from him by Friday afternoon and you feel uncomfortable, then go ahead and check in with him. It’s reasonable that you want to confirm something that’s the next day. You can say, “I hope you are having a good week. I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow night. :-) I just want to check in with you to confirm the plans we made. Are the plans still to meet at (insert time) at (insert location)?” Or if he is picking you up you can say, “Is it correct that you are picking me up at (insert time and place)?”

Lives of Style: I have a date with one of the men I’m seeing for Friday night but another man who I like more asked me out for Friday as well. I didn’t know what to say to either of them. What could I say so that I could go out with the man I like better? Or should I keep my commitment to my original Friday night date?

Laura: You have every right to do what you want and cancel with the first guy, but I think the man who asked you out first deserves respect. You had a choice when he asked you out, and you chose to say “Yes.” I don’t see a good enough reason to cancel on him to go out with the other guy at this point in time, unless the guy you think you like better has made it clear that he wants to date you exclusively. At this time these are just two guys asking you out on individual dates, and who you like better could change depending on how each one treats you and how you feel when you are spending time with them. Give yourself the chance to find out more about both of them. It’s also good integrity to keep your commitments as you make them, so I suggest you keep your date with the first guy and tell the second guy “I would love to go out with you. Unfortunately, I already have plans for Friday night. What are your thoughts about a raincheck for another night?”

Lives of Style: I was out with my boyfriend last weekend at a party and he spent the whole time talking with other people and not including me. It didn’t feel good and I got angry but didn’t say anything. Should I say something now or say something in the future if it happens again?

Laura: I think these kinds of issues should be brought up directly following the situation to be fair to both of you. I would let this one go, and move forward. It also sounds to me like you may be more of an introvert and putting yourself out there doesn’t come as naturally to you as it does your boyfriend. He may just be an extrovert and is naturally more gregarious and assumes you can hold your own the way he does. I think you should reveal to your boyfriend that you feel shy in group settings and ask him to include you more. Ask him for help rather than focusing on him not doing something he doesn’t necessarily know you want him to do. Then next time you are going to a party you could say, “Honey, I realized that I feel a bit shy and out of place when we go to a party or gathering. I am just not as outgoing as you are, but I want to mingle with you and talk to people more. What are your thoughts about introducing me and including me when you are talking with people? It would really help me to feel more comfortable.”

Lives of Style: The man who I am dating is living with his ex-girlfriend. I just found out that he is still living with her—and is supposedly looking for his own place. What can I say to him, because I don’t want to get close to somebody who could get back together with their ex?

Laura: I am going to presume he has made it clear that the relationship is over and they are living as roommates. For convenience and economical reasons this practice has become more common with couples who have broken up or divorced. It works fine for many until somebody wants to get into a relationship with somebody new. Then it’s time to make changes. The good news is that he told you about it, and he has a plan to move out. Continue dating him as long as you see evidence that he is taking action (finding a place, putting a deposit on it, and signing a lease) and follows through with his move before you commit fully and become sexually intimate with him. When he suggests that he wants to become exclusive and/or sexually intimate you could say, “I enjoy dating you and look forward to getting to know each other more intimately. There is something that doesn’t feel comfortable to me that I want to share with you. I want you to know I appreciate that you have been honest with me about still living with your ex-girlfriend. It does feel good to hear that you are looking for a place and planning on moving out, but I want to be honest with you and tell you that I do not feel comfortable becoming sexually intimate with you until you are no longer living with your ex-girlfriend and we are committed exclusively. What are your thoughts about what I am sharing with you?”

While Laura may not be able to email each of you individually, she will answer select questions.

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