What to Say in Any Dating Situation

Couple Talking

Lives of Style’s DatingSpeak ™ ©2015 addresses questions about dating, relationships and communication.

Our Lives of Style authority–Laura Pugliese, shares must-know dating “Do’s and Don’ts” that will help you find success in your relationships.

Lives of Style: My crush just told me that he isn’t interested in getting serious right now. We have gone out a few times only and haven’t had sex yet. He said that he wants to continue hanging out with me because he likes me. What do I do with this?

Laura: Hanging out is a term for keeping it cool and casual, and he also separately told you that he isn’t interested in getting serious right now. He is being clear and honest, which is good. You can certainly continue to accept invitations with him, but it is in your best interest to also continue accepting dates with other men who ask you out to avoid hyper-focusing on this one guy who is not showing any indication that he wants to be in an exclusive relationship with you. Separately, it is in your best interest not to have sex with him or anyone until or unless you do enter an exclusive relationship to avoid the pain and complications of becoming sexually and emotionally bonded to someone who is not committed to you.

Lives of Style: I had a date planned with Will who I have been seeing for a month now. He asked me out the week before for Saturday night. He said that he was going to take me to a concert and to get to his house at 5 p.m. so we could have dinner before. I got to his house at 5 p.m. and he let me know that we weren’t going to a concert and that he was just going to make dinner for us. It was not what I was expecting and I was disappointed. Is there anything to say to him?

Laura: You have a right to be informed that there is a distinct change in what he invited you for. You could say,”You have every right to want to change the plan for our date, and I don’t think you intended to be inconsiderate to me. I can certainly be open to being flexible to changes at times, but it would feel best to me to hear of and process those pending changes before I show up for our date with other expectations of previously agreed upon plans. What are you thoughts about making an agreement to discuss possible changes to plans ahead of time in the future?”

Lives of Style: My boyfriend got hurt and broke his arm so he is staying with me so that I can take care of him. It’s been two weeks and I’ve been doing everything for him, cooking, cleaning, having friends bring meals if I am out at work. I got a mini fridge so he has food and water easily available. He hasn’t offered to help chip in with any of the expenses. How do I bring that up?

Laura: You can say, “Honey I want to talk with you about something that I need your help with. Is now a good time?” Wait for him to say, “Yes.” Then you can say, “I know you have had a lot to deal with since you broke your arm. I am happy to help you and want to do my best to continue to help you as much as I can, but I do need to ask for your help with the expenses. What are your thoughts?”

Lives of Style: I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and we have been pretty happy together. I recently had to work with a colleague from out of town and felt some attraction to my co-worker. We still have a few more weeks of working together and he is very flirty. I’m not sure what to do with my feelings. Any advice and is there anything I should say to my boyfriend or my co-worker?

Laura: You mentioned you are in a long term relationship and are happy. My advice is to respect the relationship you are in and keep professional boundaries with the colleague. Being in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you will never feel an attraction to any others. It means you value what you have and choose not to do things that could jeopardize it. My suggestion is to keep the exchanges with the colleague cordial and kind, but do not engage in flirting with him. As long as you handle yourself appropriately, I don’t think there is anything you need to say to your boyfriend at this time.

Lives of Style: My husband has recently really been drinking heavily. I am not a big drinker, I like a glass of wine with dinner but that’s about it. This past Saturday night he and some of his buddies got slammed and I ended up driving us home. He barely was conscious on Sunday and didn’t want to hear any of my “griping.” I don’t know what to say to him.

Laura: The concern I see is that he has recently been drinking more heavily. You could say to him, “Honey, I want to talk with you about something I have noticed that concerns me. Is now a good time?” Wait for him to say, “Yes.” Then you can say, “You have every right to drink as much as you want, and I want you to know that it is not my intention to gripe and give you a hard time. I have noticed that lately you have been drinking more heavily than you usually do, so I want to talk you about it and let you know how I feel. It feels very uncomfortable to me when you drink excessively like the way you did on Saturday night. It concerns me for your well-being,and I fear it will negatively impact our relationship over time if it continues at this current pace because it really turns me off when you get really drunk. What are your thought about what I am sharing with you?”

Lives of Style and Lives of Style’s DatingSpeak ™ ©2015 want to facilitate answers to questions.  While authorities such as Laura may not be able to email each of you individually, select questions will be answered. 

Remember, log onto http://www.livesofstyle.com/the_last_word/ and email Laura at Laura@livesofstyle.com.

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