Smart Communication with Men


Lives of Style’s DatingSpeak ™ ©2015 addresses questions about dating, relationships and communication.

Our Lives of Style authority–Laura Pugliese, shares must-know dating “Do’s and Don’ts” that will help you find success in your relationships.

Lives of Style: I’ve been dating a very successful man, probably one of the icons of Wall Street, for about a year. He is considerate, texts me probably every two days and takes me out twice a month. I feel like Kate Middleton. What can I say to move this forward?

Laura: It’s been a full year, so it is a good idea and reasonable that you talk with him to find out if he has long-term plans for the two of you. It is a risk to ask him, so you should first accept that he may say that he likes things the way they are and wasn’t looking to make a change. On the other hand he may be willing to make a deeper commitment and move forward. Either way it will be best for you to know where you stand before you continue to invest in this man.

When you decide that you are prepared to accept the possibility of rejection of what you want, the next time you speak with him you can say, “I want to talk with you about something I’ve been thinking about lately in regards to us. Is now a good time?” Wait for him to say, “Yes.” Then you can say, “I have truly enjoyed all of the time we have spent together over the past year, and I appreciate how well you have treated me. It would feel best to me to be moving towards a future with someone. Having said that I want to ask you what your thoughts are about what I am sharing with you, and do you have long-term plans in mind for us?”

Lives of Style: My husband barely kisses me in the morning and gives me a peck on the cheek before he goes to work. He’s thoughtful about providing for our family but unless we’re having a romantic evening he’s just not that affectionate. What can I say?

Laura: Wait until he is off on the weekend and relaxed, or he is home from work and has had some time to decompress before you tell him you want to talk about it. At that time you can say, “Honey, I want to talk with you about something that I have been feeling sensitive about. Is now a good time?” Wait for him to say, “Yes.” Then you can say, “I have been feeling sensitive about the fact we are not being affectionate and kissing in the morning. I love you and want to share my feelings about wanting us to connect more in the morning. It would really feel good to me if we kissed and shared more affection in the morning before we start our day. What are your thoughts?”

Lives of Style: I was on a flight from Los Angeles to New York and sat across from a really cute guy. He spoke to me first and struck up a conversation. We talked intermittently throughout the flight and toward the end of the flight he said “Hey, can we can get together sometime?” And then a flight attendant stepped between us and said, “OK, time to go,” and he was ahead of me and somebody else cut in right behind him so we lost contact and I didn’t see him anymore. He told me his first and last name and where he worked. Can I send a flirty text or email If I find his phone number from the business?

Laura: I think it’s okay to contact him because he made it clear he wanted to see you again by asking if the two of you could get together sometime. He may even think you just blew it off. You could send him a message saying, “Hi. This is (insert your name). We met (insert date) on the flight from Los Angeles to New York. I hope it’s okay with you that I looked you up with the name and company you mentioned to me that you work at. I didn’t get a chance to respond to your question about us getting together sometime because of all of the commotion and losing contact, and I wanted to respond to your question about us getting together sometime. I would love to get together if you still want to? What are your thoughts?”

Lives of Style: Who’s right? If I’m walking out the door with my male coworker, is it correct for the female to hold the door open if I get there first? Or for my male coworker to do that?

Laura: It’s general consideration to hold the door open for another person regardless of what gender they are, however I think it’s respectful and feminine to keep a pace that allows a gentleman to have the opportunity of offering to open the door for a lady.

Lives of Style: I find myself fantasizing about a guy in my gym who always seems to have lots of women around him. The other day he came up to me and started talking. Now I smile a lot. What can I do to make myself more attractive to him?

Laura: Men are visual and intuitive about who they find attractive . He has already seen you and has been around your energy, so he already knows if he’s attracted to you. It is a good sign that he came up to you and started talking to you. It shows he has some interest. The level of interest and whether or not he wants to pursue you is still unknown, as is his actual status. He may be currently dating somebody exclusively or even dating several women.

Smiling a lot is good. Keep smiling, make and keep eye contact when you see him, and respond warmly to him when he talks to you. It’s very important to give signs of interest so that he understands clearly that you are attracted to him and would be responsive to him if he asked you out. Since you mentioned that he always has a lot of women around him you should know that some more masculine energy based women will chase and compete for a man. If he is more used to being responsive to that type of woman, he may not be assertive with you because he is steering in his feminine energy with dating. Some men do that because there are a lot of very attractive woman today chasing them and offering up sex quickly. It’s usually a bit down the road when they realize they don’t like experiencing the disrespect, controlling, and competitive energy that often times follows in that dynamic.

I suggest you stay feminine and don’t join in and attempt to do anything to compete with the group of women surrounding him. Have confidence in yourself. In the long run what you really want is the right guy who has a genuine interest in you and is willing to step up and pursue you. If this guy is the right one, he will find a way to pursue you. As for right now he is an attractive gym acquaintance that you enjoy seeing and talking with. Keep the positive energy open with him, but don’t stop accepting dates by any decent men who ask. Keep investigating those other possibilities that come your way. You’re worth a man’s efforts to pursue you.

Lives of Style and Lives of Style’s DatingSpeak ™ ©2015 want to facilitate answers to questions.  While authorities such as Laura may not be able to email each of you individually, select questions will be answered. 

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