Must-Know Examples of Good Dating Communication

Dating

Lives of Style’s DatingSpeak ™ ©2015 addresses questions about dating, relationships and communication.

Our Lives of Style authority–Laura Pugliese, shares must-know dating “Do’s and Don’ts” that will help you find success in your relationships.

Lives of Style: I have a crush on a guy who I believe is bi-sexual, but he has shown interest in me by asking me out to cultural events and the symphony. I am not against dating him. But he hasn’t made any moves. How can I show that I am interested?

Laura: He has shown some interest by asking you out to some cultural events and the symphony, so I think you should just take it as it comes for now and get to know him as a person. In the meantime, I think it is a really good idea for you to keep your options open and date other men.You may meet another man who you are attracted to who is completely heterosexual and who is clearly attracted to you. I don’t have any information from you as to why you think this man is bi-sexual, so I can not formulate an opinion about that.That possibility with this man would suggest a more complicated option for a long-term relationship. Is that what you really want long-term?

Lives of Style: I am friends with a girl who is dating a guy I dated two years ago–and he and I broke up because I was immature and rejected him. She complains about him all the time, and I am still interested in him. I am a good friend of hers and would not ever flirt with him or go after him, but is there any way I can keep the lines open with him? Or is that going too far?

Laura: I think it’s great that you are able to reflect on your past relationship and see your part in it’s demise. That’s helpful to your journey and growth.You certainly can contact him now if you want to, however you did make a choice back then to let go of your relationship with this man. Sine he is currently in a relationship with someone who also happens to be a good friend of yours, I think your good friend and their relationship deserve for you to respectfully stay out of it. I do not think it is an appropriate time for you to make contact with him.

If for some reason the two or them break up down the road, and you still feel strongly for this man, then you can certainly decide to take the risks that come to your friendship and your heart by making contact with him at that time. It is also very possible that you will be completely moved on by then. I suggest letting it go for now, and see where things end up.

Lives of Style: Help! My boyfriend is uninterested in sex. We’ve been together six months and he now barely touches me. I don’t know whether to stay or go. He won’t talk about it, but says he is going through a rough time at work. He is a computer programmer at a start-up. But he is off weekends–and he sleeps and does nothing with me. What should I say?

Laura: Ultimately you will have to be the one to determine whether you stay or go. You can talk with him first to see if he is willing to hear you and work through it with you, but if he doesn’t want to discuss it or make a change, then you will need to decide what you want to do.

You can say, “Honey, I want to talk with you about something that feels very sensitive to me and may also be uncomfortable for you to hear. Is now a good time?” Wait for him to say, “Yes.” Then you can say, “I know you are under a lot of stress at work, and I want to do my best to be understanding and supportive during this hard time for you. I don’t want to nag you to discuss it, but I do want you to know that I am here for you if and when you want to talk about it. At the same time, there is a distinct lack of intimacy between us , and it doesn’t feel good to me for us to continue on this way. What are your thoughts about what I am sharing with you, and is there anything that you can think of that I can do to help us have more intimacy?”

Lives of Style: My boyfriend opens doors and pulls out my chair and stands up when I go to the restroom. Recently, we double-dated with another couple and they made fun of him for doing that. I respect his chivalry. What can I say to him? And what can I say to this other couple, since we are having dinner with them on the 31st?

Laura: You should definitely let your boyfriend know how much you love and appreciate what a gentleman he always is. You can say, “Honey, I want you to know that I love and appreciate what a chivalrous gentleman you always are. It feels so good to me when you do things like open my door and pull out my chair.” I would suggest just letting it go by with the couple. Thank your husband again in the moment, and change the subject with them. It’s quite immature for them to mock him for being chivalrous towards you, and its not worth the energy to attempt to explain or reason with them.

Lives of Style: I think I made a mistake. My live-in boyfriend promised more than he is delivering, in terms of income, understanding my work schedule and being supportive of me. I feel as if I am carrying the ball for both of us and I don’t feel feminine. What can I say to him to get him to be more “masculine” and more of a giver?

Laura: This is a complex situation, and there is no short resolution. It sounds like he did a “bait and switch” on you. He said and did all of the things you wanted to hear to feel safe and comfortable committing to an exclusive live-in relationship with him, but he has not been delivering those things now that he has you there. You can talk to him, but it will take a long time watching to see if he is consistent with rebuilding a trustworthy record in delivering what he promised on a long-term basis.

With that in mind you can say, “I am having some uncomfortable feelings and want to talk to you about what are agreements are for our relationship. Is now a good time?” Wait for him to say, “Yes.” Then you can say, “I felt very comfortable committing to being in an exclusive relationship with you and moving in together. At the time we moved in together I felt secure with what you offered in terms of your desire and ability to lead and support us financially as well as your being understanding and supportive to my goals. I have been noticing significant decreases in fulfilling those promises from you, and I feel concerned. What are your thoughts about what I am sharing with you, and what are your ideas on what you will do to work towards fulfilling the promises you made to me?”

See what he says and does, and then you will have to decide how long you are willing to give him to see if he turns it around.

Lives of Style and Lives of Style’s DatingSpeak ™ ©2015 want to facilitate answers to questions.  While authorities such as Laura may not be able to email each of you individually, select questions will be answered. 

Remember, log onto http://www.livesofstyle.com/the_last_word/ and email Laura at Laura@livesofstyle.com.

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