Removing Communication Blocks

men and women for datingspeak 3-22

Lives of Style’s DatingSpeak ©2016 addresses questions about Dating, Relationships and Communication.

Our Lives of Style authority–Laura Pugliese, shares must-know dating “Do’s and Don’ts” that will help you find success in your relationships.

Lives of Style: In a group, if I’m with some friends and a guy walks over and joins us, do I have to wait until he speaks to me before I speak?

Laura: It would be most feminine to wait for him to speak to you first. At the same time you want to give clear signals to him that there is an attraction in these first moments of meeting to make it that clear to him that you are receptive to him. An effective way to attract his attention towards you and signal him that you are attractive to him in a feminine way is to smile at him while continually holding eye contact with him for at least 5 or more seconds. This has been studied, and studies show that most people look away by second 3. It is within the next couple of seconds that it usually becomes apparent that the lingering eye contact is due to an interest attraction. It will feel uncomfortable, but it is within that discomfort that you are revealing your want to connect with him romantically.

You mentioned that he approached a group, so also keep in mind that there is the risk that he is approaching the group for someone else. At any rate it will be good for you to practice getting into the energy of the feminine flirt.

Lives of Style: I’m with a meek guy and I want him to be more manly. How can I talk to him about standing up more?

Laura: You are telling me that he is meek, however I do not have any transactions between the two of you to fully assess the dynamic. Without further information I do not want to make a presumption, but often times in a relationship when someone is steering from a meek energy it is in response to a bolder and more controlling energy from their partner. You would first need to ask yourself if you are the one who assumes the leading role more often. Whether it be by initiation at the start of a transaction, or by response to his lack of leadership, the results will still be that you are in the leading (masculine energy role) and he is in the following (feminine energy role).

If you want him to initiate more and take the leadership role, then before you have a discussion with him about, please first make the decision that you are willing to give up control in favor of him leading you.

You will need to be willing to go through some discomforts and transitions in order to facilitate a shift in energy and roles in your relationship. There is no point in talking with him about it unless you can accept that if he agrees to step up and lead you that he may not do it exactly the way you want or think he should. It will take time and patience that you will need to be willing to demonstrate in order to change the energetic roles.

If and when you are ready to take all of what I said into consideration and take on a more passive, supportive and feminine role, then here is what you can say to your boyfriend.

“Honey I want to talk with you about something that has been weighing heavily on my mind. Is now a good time?” Wait for him to say, “Yes.” Then you can say, “I love and respect you, and before I talk with you about what is on my mind, I want you to know that I know I have my part in what’s bothering me. I have come to the realization that I feel uncomfortable with the dynamic we currently have in our relationship. I am experiencing your energy to be meek, and it would feel best to me if you take charge and lead us. I know that will require me to also make changes in my behaviors, and I want you to know that I am fully open to hearing your thoughts about what you have been experiencing from me, so I can also implement the necessary adjustments and do my part to get us best aligned with a healthier balance. What are your thoughts about what I am sharing with you, and what do you think we can each do to help us be our best? Please be advised that this is just a start to open up the communication to the issues, and relationship coaching may be needed for deeper analysis and further  assistance.

Lives of Style: I have three friends who are jealous of me and try to cut me down in front of guys. What can I say?

Laura:  Sometimes people unconsciously do things out of jealousy and when it is from the subconscious mind, it may be difficult for them to accept and acknowledge consciously that they are doing it. You can do your best to speak with them, but be sure to supply specific examples of what they said and to whom they said it to when you speak with them.

You can say, “I want to speak with you about something that feels sensitive to me. Is now a good time?’ Wait for them to say, “Yes.” Then you can say, “You are my friends, and I care about you all very much. I don’t think you would intentionally set out to do or say hurtful things to or about me, but some of the things you have said when we are around guys have felt really upsetting to me. Are you willing to hear what those things are?” Wait for them to say “Yes.” Then you can say, ”Here are some of the things that have been said that didn’t feel good to me . (Insert a couple of specific comments, when they were said, and with whom they were said in front of.)

Then you can say “ How do you feel about what I am sharing with you, and to be fair is there anything I have said or done that has felt uncomfortable to you?”

Lives of Style: Who goes through a door first, when a guy or girl walks up to it? (This is a date question.)

Laura: A true masculine energy based gentleman will open the door for the girl and will take charge of the date. Having said that, many men have shared with me that they have been on dates with girls who compete to lead the dates, compete to pay, and or tell them they can do it themselves. Masculine men will start to become turned off by this.

Romantic interactions that carry a masculine energy leader and a feminine energy follower will have heightened levels of intimacy, because the opposite energies will compliment each other. For the most part this will occur best when there is a man as the masculine energy leader and a woman as the feminine energy follower, however there are certain cases where the woman is the more masculine energy and the man is the feminine energy. If that works for both parties, then that is perfectly okay too. What doesn’t usually work well is each party competing to steer from the same energy.

Also keep in mind that often times when a woman is steering from the masculine energy and the man is steering from the feminine energy it is from necessity over time due to experiences and what was taught to them, so it may just be a matter of identifying that and learning how to step into the energy that was designed for them by nature.

Lives of Style:  I’m bored with so much of what my boyfriend says. He never asks me how I am feeling. What can I say to him?

Laura: I think it would be best to ask yourself if you are bored because you are not compatible with your boyfriend, or if you are feeling bored because you just don’t feel cherished by him and are starting to resent whatever he says because of how you are feeling.

The question I have for you is: Are you in a relationship with someone you are not truly compatible with, or do you just need to communicate to work towards getting your needs met?

If it is the latter, then I want you to know that it is never in your best interest to assume that any other person will know how you feel or what you want unless you tell them clearly and directly. Separately, men are not generally programmed to want to talk about their feelings the way a lot of women want to. With all of that in mind, if it’s truly that you just want your boyfriend to ask you how you are feeling on a regular basis, then it would be best to tell him how you feel about it.

You can say, “I want to talk to you about something that is feeling sensitive to me. Is now a good time? Wait for him to say, “Yes”. Then you can say, “I have noticed that you don’t ask me how I am feeling, and I realized it bothers me that you don’t.  I also know that I have not shared with you that it would feel best to me if you ask me how I feeling regularly, so you couldn’t have known I want you to do that. What are your thoughts about what I am sharing with you, and what are your thought about starting to ask me how I am feeling?”

Lives of Style and Lives of Style’s DatingSpeak ™ ©2016 want to facilitate answers to questions. While authorities such as Laura may not be able to email each of you individually, select questions will be answered.

Remember, log onto http://www.livesofstyle.com/the_last_word/ and email Laura at Laura@livesofstyle.com.

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