Overcoming Relationship Hurdles


Lives of Style’s DatingSpeak ©2016 addresses questions about Dating, Relationships and Communication. Lives of Style is committed to helping you achieve your own best style–in fashion, beauty and in life.

Lives of Style and Lives of Style’s DatingSpeak ™ ©2016 want to facilitate answers to questions. While Lives of Style’s authorities in different categories may not be able to email each of you individually, select questions will be answered.

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Our Lives of Style relationship authority–Laura Pugliese, shares must-know dating “Do’s and Don’ts” that will help you find success in your relationships.

Kiki: If I’m at a baseball game and a guy tips his hat toward me, is he saying, “Hello?” Can I speak with him next?

Laura: His hat tipping is an acknowledgement from him to you that he sees you and wants to make some level of contact. A good response would be to smile back while holding eye contact for at least 5 seconds. You could add in a cute little wave of your hand as you do that. This will indicate to him that you are receptive to his approach if he wants to take the lead and come over and start a conversation with you. Everything is energy based, and the person who initiates the first conversation is assuming the leading (masculine energy) role. Most people are unaware of the strong impact this has on the dynamic that follows in a romantic relationship.

Another thing to keep in mind is that you have no idea whether or not this man is in a relationship and just happens to be a flirt. By responding with a warm smile, eye contact and a little wave you are showing your openness without taking over the lead. If he is single and interested he can approach you. If he doesn’t approach under those circumstances, then there is a reason and that reason may be a commitment elsewhere.

Joanna: I think guys my age (20) are only interested in friends with benefit. I have a (platonic) guy friend who wants more, but I want a relationship. What can I say to him?

Laura: The next time he lets you know that he is interested in friends with benefits you can say, “You have every right to want to be friends with benefits. I appreciate your honesty, and I respect your right to want to have a casual relationship with someone. I personally do not want to have sex with anyone unless I am in an exclusive relationship with the mutual interest in a long-term commitment that is leading towards marriage. I accept and respect if that is not something you are interested in at this time or with me, but I want to be clear and honest with you that those are where my personal boundaries are for having sex. What are your thoughts?”

Sarah Jane: I’ve always felt intimidated by my younger sister. She’s flirted with guys I liked and tried to get them to like her. Her long-term boyfriend broke up with her and now she wants to join my friends and me when we go out. I feel as if I should speak with her about her behavior, because I don’t want the past repeating itself. What can I say to her?

Laura: It is apparent to me that you and your sister are both battling personal insecurities. If your sister is in fact deliberately flirting with guys that you like to attempt to get them to like her, and that is intimidating to you, then it sounds like you are both in need of learning and practicing self-love. I think it will be very stressful and challenging at this time for the two of you to go out together as two single girls wanting to meet guys. If she is in the mindset of needing to get all of the guys to like her better, then it is going to take some consciousness on her part and some personal work on her self-worth to change that. Separately, you both have every right to flirt with any and all of the single guys you want, and it would not be fair to either one of you to limit those rights. Each single guy also has the right to determine who he is more interested in as well.

I think it would be in your own best interest to work on your own esteem and confidence. In the interim, it would also be best for you to keep your dating life separate from your relationship with your sister until or unless you desensitize and evolve from the feelings of intimidation by her. You are special and unique in your own right, and you should feel good about yourself all of the time regardless of what your sister is doing. Work on loving yourself enough to the point where it really doesn’t matter what your sister is or isn’t doing.

Having said all of that, here is what you could say to your sister: “I want to talk with you about the idea of you going out with my friends and me and share some feelings I am having about it. Is now a good time?” Wait until she says, “Yes.”

Then you can say,”I love you very much, and the most important thing is to maintain and protect our relationship. I appreciate that you want to start going out with my friends and me to meet guys, but I want to be honest and tell you that I do not feel comfortable with us doing that at this time because I believe strongly that it will put a strain on our relationship. The reason I think this is because I experience you to be way more flirty with guys than I am, and I have felt very intimidated in the past by you.

“I am not saying that this makes you wrong and me right, but I am not in a place where I believe I will be at ease with us being out together as two single girls looking to meet guys. It would feel best to me if we spend our quality time together enjoying each other’s company and keeping our going out with the purpose of separate. How do you feel about what I am sharing with you?”

Remember, log onto http://www.livesofstyle.com/the_last_word/  Email Laura at Laura@livesofstyle.com.

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