Hard Relationship Talks Made Easy

Dating

Lives of Style’s DatingSpeak ©2016 addresses questions about Dating, Relationships and Communication. Lives of Style is committed to helping you achieve your own best style–in fashion, beauty and in life.

Lives of Style and Lives of Style’s DatingSpeak ™ ©2016 want to facilitate answers to questions. While Lives of Style’s authorities in different categories may not be able to email each of you individually, select questions will be answered.

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Our Lives of Style relationship authority–Laura Pugliese, shares must-know dating “Do’s and Don’ts” that will help you find success in your relationships.

Laureen: I have a basic question about how to break up with someone. My boyfriend is not “it” for me. I care about him but I want to say, “Good-bye.” I’ve cut down our time together to barely once a week, and told him I don’t feel we have a future, but he says, “I’ll take what I can get.” What can I say?

Laura: It is clear that you have been upfront and honest with this gentleman, and his response indicates that he has been willing to continue to date you knowing that he don’t see a future with him. Having said that, if you are 100% certain that you do not want to consider a future with this man and are ready to end it, then you can say, “I want to talk with you about something that feels sensitive to me to say and may also be sensitive for you to hear regarding us. Is now a good time?” Wait for him to say, “Yes.”  Then you can say, “I respect you, and I think you are a very good man. I appreciate all of the dates you have taken me on and the time you have spent with me. I want to be honest and tell you that I have reached the place where I am certain that as much as I like you as a person, I do not have the romantic chemistry and feelings necessary to continue to accept dates with you. I want to move forward to find the right man for me. I also sincerely hope you find the right woman for you. What are your thoughts about what I am telling you?”

Stephanie: My boyfriend and I are living together and he just lost his job. Now he wants me to pay all the bills while he surfs all day to “find himself.” I don’t mind picking up expenses for a while, but he just shrugs it off when I bring up him bringing in some money. What can I tell him that will get him going on a job search?

Laura: When you are ready to let him know that you are not willing to become his mommy and expect him to take responsibility, then you can say, “I want to talk with you about something very important regarding our current living circumstances. Is now a good time?” Wait for him to say, “Yes.”  Then you can say, “You have every right to want to surf all day to find yourself and not pay any bills here. Having said that I want to be upfront and honest with you about where I stand. I am not willing to take ownership of financial responsibilities to the adult man living here on any kind of a long-term basis. What I am willing to do is agree to give you a reasonable amount of time (30 days) to get yourself a job and resume your financial responsibilities here, otherwise you will need to find another source of income outside of me to accommodate your leisurely lifestyle. What are your thoughts about what I am telling you?”

Louis: I have a partner who just doesn’t seem in to me as much as I am to him. We’ve been together two years and two months. Lately, he’s been distant and non-communicative. He’s been having problems on the job, so it could be that, but it could be that he is searching for someone else. What can I say to flush him out?

Laura: You can say, “Honey, I want to talk with you about some sensitive feelings I’ve been having. Is now a good time?” Wait for him to say, “Yes.” Then you can say, “I know you have had a lot to deal with at work lately, and I want you to know that I respect that it is time and energy consuming. Having said that I have been feeling like I am putting more energy into our relationship than you are, and I have been wondering if perhaps you’re not as interested as before. I didn’t want to make any assumptions about what you are thinking or feeling, so I wanted to express what I am feeling to you and ask you about it. What are your thoughts?”

Remember, log onto http://www.livesofstyle.com/the_last_word/ and email Laura at Laura@livesofstyle.com.

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