Resolving Bothersome Issues

july 29 2016

Lives of Style’s DatingSpeak™©2016 addresses questions about Dating, Relationships and Communication. Lives of Style is committed to helping you achieve your own best style–in fashion, beauty and in life.

Lives of Style and Lives of Style’s DatingSpeak™©2016want to facilitate answers to questions. While Lives of Style’s authorities in different categories may not be able to email each of you individually, select questions will be answered.

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Mary: My husband wakes up 4 to 5 times a night to check on the stock market, go to the bathroom, pet the dogs and generally fiddle around our bedroom. I’ve tried to get him to stop, or lessen the number of wake-ups, but he refuses and says that he is a light sleeper and has a lot on his mind. Trouble is, I’m a light sleeper too. And I’m exhausted most days. What can I say to him?

Laura: You can say, “Honey, I want to talk with you about something that has become challenging for me. Is now a good time?” Wait for him to say, ‘Yes,” then you can say, “I know you are a light sleeper, have a lot on your mind, and it works for you to perform certain activities upon your awakenings throughout the night. Having said that, I want to share with you that I am also a light sleeper, and unfortunately I wake up every time you are awake and going about your nightly activities. I am not telling you this with the intention to assign blame. I am sharing this with you because the frequent sleep interruptions I am having are causing me an overall feeling of exhaustion. I want to respect your needs, and I also want to make sure I am getting the rest that I need. I do not know how to resolve this fairly so that we both get our needs met. What are your suggestions on how to solve this?”

Desiree: Help! Barbie just moved in next door to us in our apartment building. She’s blonde, pretty, has a super figure and is flirty to boot. My live-in fiancé met her and had a “tour” of her apartment without me. When I met her she shared that she had given him a “private tour” and that I was a lucky woman. He acts as if he vaguely remembers meeting her—forgot her hair color, etc. He and I had a talk about fidelity and he says he’s on board and would never cheat on me. Is there anything more I should say to him?

Laura: Neither you or your fiancé have control over your new neighbor’s looks or flirty disposition. He may have downplayed his recollection of her looks as a means to dispel any concerns by you. Since you already had the discussion about fidelity and made a mutually satisfactory agreement, I suggest you let it be until or unless there is evidence of your fiancé doing anything that is inappropriate.

Cayla: My boyfriend of 10 years who I live with recently got back from a trip to the East Coast where he hung out with a few female friends–where he said nothing went on–and I was choosing to believe him. Now he told me he was going back to the East Coast for one of the girl’s birthday parties and it’s bringing up a lot of jealousy. What can I say to him?

Laura: You can speak from your heart and say, “I want to talk with you about some sensitive feelings that I am having. Is now a good time?” Wait for him to say, “Yes,” then you can say,
“I want you to know that I respect you, and you have every right to be active in your platonic friendships outside of our relationship. Having said that I want to be honest and tell you that I am having some discomfort with your plans to travel back East again so soon for your friend (insert her name) birthday. I don’t fully understand the closeness you have with these female friends. I am feeling jealous It doesn’t feel good to feel this way, and I want to be honest with you about it instead of holding it in and developing resentment. What are your thoughts about the feelings I am sharing with you?”

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