Are you feminine enough? Must-know techniques for dating and finding your mate from #1 Relationship Expert Dr. Pat Allen


Lives of Style is proud to introduce America’s #1 Relationship Expert: Dr. Pat Allen–advisor to “Millionaire Matchmaker” and author of 6 books–and DVD’s, CD’s–including, “Getting to I Do!” — her (10-year) best-selling blueprint for meeting, magnetizing and marrying your mate in 12 months.

Acclaimed as “THE Love Doctor,” lauded by Oprah as “Therapist, Comic Mother Superior,” Dr. Allen is a Marriage and Family Therapist, an internationally recognized communication and relationship expert and a Certified Transactional Analyst. Her books have become bibles to many singles–a GPS guide to the altar.

Dr. Pat Allen is now Lives of Style’s new “Relationship Style Expert!”

She’ll be blogging for us Thursdays on and Lives of Style will be airing select coaching segments from Dr. Allen on broadcast TV and on the Internet.


Lives of Style: Hi Dr. Allen! Last week we discussed where to go to find a man and how to be feminine.  I’m eagerly anticipating speaking more about this as we have had a number of people respond with questions on this subject.

Dr. Pat Allen: Great! I’m looking forward to answering your questions and elucidating more about masculine and feminine energy.

Lives of Style: Last week you said to look, smile and magnetize men.  It’s interesting because so many woman have been taught to be assertive and say “hello!”

Dr. Pat Allen:  And they would stick out their hand and say, “Hi, my name is Pat.”

Lives of Style: And that ruins it doesn’t it?

Dr. Pat Allen: No, it doesn’t ruin it, there are women who like to be masculine. I’m not a gender-based therapist. If you want to be respected, you are the masculine, (yang) and you want to be a “man” have at it. Just don’t gripe about the “girl” with the boy’s body (feminine man) you end up with.

Lives of Style: What should a woman do who wants to be feminine?

Dr. Pat Allen: She better act very courageous by magnetizing–which means looking, smiling and responding but not talking first.

Lives of Style: If, a person wants to be in the feminine energy and she speaks first to a masculine energy person, what happens?

Dr. Pat Allen: He’ll be turned off.

Lives of Style: Can that ever be turned around?”

Dr. Pat Allen:  If he sees inside that the woman is nervous and talking gibberish, he may give her another chance, but men today are getting tired of doing battle with masculine women. Do you know that many women are losing up to a third of the mass weight of their right (feeling) hemisphere from lack of use? You ask them what they feel, they tell you what they think.

Lives of Style: “And that is going back to “equality” versus “equity.” I’d like you to talk a little bit about that because you spoke about teaching people how to “waltz like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rodgers,”– how does that work?

Dr. Pat Allen: It works from the very minute you meet. So, you meet and he says, “Hi my name is George, what’s yours?” “Pat.” “Ok, how about we go for coffee?”  “Ok.” And if he says, “Let’s go for lunch,” a women might say, “Oh I can’t go there—they don’t have enough green food.” Women that take a nice date and wrangle it around, they’re turning a man off. You see?

Lives of Style: It’s too much control.

Dr. Pat Allen: Women are egodystonic, that means there male is running their body. They can’t be with a man who’s male. There’s too much “male.”

Lives of Style: The thing I think that’s really important though, is that when you flirt, you do the five-second flirt and he comes over and a woman is nervous but she still smiles back and she still responds to him. The tendency right now is for women to over talk to try to control the situation.

Dr. Pat Allen: I want women to be passive. Don’t chase men. They fall in love when they chase. Boys need to be chased. If you want to be chased be passive, patient give him eight weeks between each phone call before you think, “I’ve got to call him.”

Lives of Style:  That’s a long time.

Dr. Pat Allen: Eight weeks is the neurobiological piece of time for rumination. Rumination is thinking, “Do I want, do I not, do I want, do I not, oh who needs her?”  It could be, “I’ll just wait for her to call me.”

So being patient, passive, and vulnerable lets him run the show. ‘You still have the right to say no. Some women think, “Well maybe he’ll rape me?” Have him arrested. In England for a while they took away, “No” as a reason to file for rape, they didn’t get away with that very long. When we say no, you better honor it or you’re going to jail pal.

You can email questions to Dr. Pat Allen at

While Dr. Allen may not be able to email each of you individually, she will answer select questions on her weekly blog.

Remember, log onto and email Dr. Allen at

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