Find out what to say in sticky dating situations

Dating Tips

Lives of Style is proud to introduce our NEW “Dating-Speak” ™ ©2013 Authority: Laura Pugliese.

Laura–formally trained at the WANT Institute by the pre-eminent relationship therapist–Dr. Pat Allen, is a Certified Communications Coach–one of only 100 who have personally studied under Dr. Allen. Laura combines her training, life experience and spiritually-driven gift for manifesting potent communications in interpersonal relationships. Laura teaches her clients how to cut through emotional reactions and communicate rationally with integrity and love.

Today our “Dating-Speak” ™ ©2013 Authority–Laura shares must-know dating do’s and don’ts that will help you find the success in your relationships.

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Lives of Style: What would you say if you’ve been dating for a while, but have met someone else and want to end the relationship?

Laura: You can say, “I want you to know that I respect you and I appreciate all the lovely dates you have taken me on. I want to be honest with you and tell you that I have met someone I have a stronger connection with. For this reason I can no longer continue to date you, but I wish you the very best.”

Lives of Style: What do you say if the man who you are dating asks you to go on a hike with him on Sunday and you already have another date? Do you let him know you are already booked with another man?

Laura: It’s not necessary to inform him specifically that you are seeing another man. You can say, “I would love to say yes, but I already have plans for next Sunday.”

Lives of Style: We are told to be mysterious during the dating process. What do you say if the man who you are dating asks you out on a date and you have your mother in town that weekend? You are willing to go but you don’t want to seem callus that you are leaving your mother at home?

Laura: Yes, it’s good to leave some mystery, however this issue has nothing to do with that mystery. It is also not callus for a single woman to accept a date on a weekend even if her mother is in town as long as she communicates with her mother and spends some quality time with her outside of the time she’s on her date. She can also check in with her date and say, “I would love to go out with you. Is it okay with you if we have an early evening? My mother is visiting, and I want to be considerate of her.” A gentleman will want to help you be comfortable.

Lives of Style: What do you say if you don’t want to leave your mother at home alone since you only get to see her for a few days every 4 months?

Laura: This depends on your comfort level with your date. You can decline for the date to spend the time with your mother.  If it’s very new it may be awkward to ask if your mother can come on the date. If you have been dating him regularly and or you sense he will be receptive to it you can take the risk and say, “I really want to go out with you. I have a dilemma because my mother is visiting.  I don’t feel comfortable leaving her home alone, as I do not get to see her very often. I understand if you would rather reschedule, but want to ask you your thoughts about her joining us.”

Lives of Style: What can a woman say on a date when her man is trying to move too fast physically and she wants to slow things down?

Laura: She can say, “I appreciate that you want to be more physical with me.  I am very attracted to you as well, however I have traditional values and feel most comfortable going slow physically as we are still just getting to know each other. What are your thoughts about the feelings I am sharing with you?”

Lives of Style: What can a woman say on a date when the man she is seeing mentions meeting her friends, but she isn’t ready to take that step yet, she wants to get to know him better?

Laura: She can say, “I really appreciate you showing interest in meeting my friends. I would feel most comfortable getting to know each other better first. What are your thoughts about giving it more time before doing that?”

Lives of Style: At the end of each date the man you’re seeing always says he had a great time but never makes plans for the next date. Is there a way to suggest making plans without seeming too eager?

Laura: The key words here are “at the end of each date.” Be patient and relax. There is no problem since he is continuing to ask you out regularly. First of all, he may not know what his schedule is at the end of the date. Separately, woman tend to fall for the man on the date as we can go back and forth from left brain (gathering and processing data) to right brain (feeling our feelings), but men (especially if they are right-handed) are in one side of their brain at a time. Many men need time to be away from the woman so that they can get in touch with their feelings about her.

Lives of Style: When is it a good idea to share deal killers like religion, that you have kids and want someone supportive, etc. and how do you let your man know?

Laura: It is best not to bring up these subjects on the first couple of dates, however if he happens to bring up any of these subjects it is a good idea to be honest at the time. If any of these things are deal breakers it is best to be honest, and it is also best not to waste each other’s time. When he asks for or goes for sex and/or exclusivity comes up this is the time you can bring up these subjects. Before you commit yourself sexually and emotionally it is best to know these answers.

For Example: If he is asking for or going for sex you can say, “I feel chemistry for you, and I am open to discussing what my boundaries are for us having sex, however I have some questions about your views and wants about religion (or insert the subject or subjects), and I want to share mine. What are your thoughts?”

Lives of Style: If you feel in your heart and soul that your significant other is the one but you have only been with them for a short amount of time would it be a bad idea to tell them about your feelings? If you don’t want to scare them away how can express to them about your feelings without scaring them?

Laura: You cannot know what they will feel nor are you responsible for how they feel. It is your job to take care of yourself and your feelings and do your best to be respectful and considerate to your partner. Once the feelings are getting in the way of your ability to be comfortable keeping them in you can take the risk and say, “Honey I want to talk to you about some feelings I am having. Is now a good time?” When he says it is a good time then you can say, “I feel very committed to our relationship, and I want to talk with you about what your perspective and wants are for us long term. What are your thoughts?”

Lives of Style: When a couple decides to go exclusive, after only going on a few dates, does this change how she speaks to him? Should she ask to spend more time together or just let things continue on as they were before we put a label on our relationship?

Laura: It is best to have a discussion and negotiate the boundaries for the relationship to avoid assumptions being made. You can say, “Honey, I have a question for you about our relationship. Is now a good time?” Once he says it is a good time you can say, “I realize we did not discuss what our time together will be now that we are in an exclusive relationship. What are your thoughts about it?”

While Laura may not be able to email each of you individually, she will answer select questions on her weekly blog.

Remember, log onto www.livesofstyle.com/the_last_word/ and email Laura at Laura@livesofstyle.com

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