What to Say on a Date When You Don’t Know What to Say

Dating

Lives of Style is proud to introduce our NEW “Dating-Speak”™ ©2013 Authority: Laura Pugliese.

Laura–formally trained at the WANT Institute by the pre-eminent relationship therapist–Dr. Pat Allen, is a Certified Communications Coach–one of only 100 who have personally studied under Dr. Allen. Laura combines her training, life experience and spiritually-driven gift for manifesting potent communications in interpersonal relationships. Laura teaches her clients how to cut through emotional reactions and communicate rationally with integrity and love.

Today our “Dating-Speak”™ ©2013 Authority–Laura shares must-know dating do’s and don’ts that will help you find the success in your relationships.

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Lives of Style: What do you say when you’re trying to catch someone’s eye?  Do you keep it sweet and subtle or are you forward and fierce?

Laura: That depends on whether you want to be the feminine energy person or the masculine energy person. If you want to respect the lead of a masculine energy man and be cherished for your feelings be sweet and subtle. Make and keep eye contact and smile a lot to show him you are receptive to him. If some time goes by and you sense he is shy you can ask him for help with something he knows about or you can ask him to escort you to a party, event or movie you already have 2 tickets to, as a plus one with your invitation. 

Lives of Style:  You’ve not interested in the person approaching you, but you are feeling a spark with their really cute friend.  What now?

Laura: Make eye contact, smile, and flirt with the guy you feel the spark with. If the guy you feel the spark with picks up the ball then respond to him. 

Lives of Style: Dinner ends on the third date, another fun, flirty success, but something’s different…he’s not jumping for his wallet.  Hmm…what do you do and what do you say?

Laura: There is nothing to say until or unless he asks. This is the courting period and it is important to have clear boundaries of who is pursuing who, and a third date is not a committed and exclusive relationship where financial boundaries have been discussed and negotiated. If he asks you to contribute to the bill then you can say, “You have every right to ask me to contribute to the bill, however I do not feel comfortable doing that. I have traditional values, and when you asked me out for tonight you did not indicate wanting to change the boundaries from our previous dates. If you had mentioned that I would have known to respectfully decline. What are your thoughts about the discomfort I am sharing with you?”

Lives of Style: How would you confront a small lie your boyfriend told you that you found out about?

Laura: You can say, “I have something sensitive I want to talk to you about. Is now a good time?” Wait until he says it’s a good time and then you can say, “You have every right to say whatever you want, and I want you to know that I am not making any harsh judgments or assumptions about this. I want to hear you out and understand why you said (insert the false statement he made) What are your thoughts about what I am sharing with you and what was the reason you said that?” 

Lives of Style: What do you say to a man who you’ve been dating who asked you to come and visit him on an extended work trip but then says that he isn’t sure it is a good time to come?

Laura: He may have thought it sounded like a great idea and invited you before he thought the logistics through. Since it is a work trip he may have prematurely invited you without considering the demands on him and his time. I think it is best to be understanding in this case. You can say, “Thank you so much for thinking of me and wanting me to come and visit. I can understand that work may be demanding of your time, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable having my visit add stress. Perhaps there is another time that a getaway visit would make more sense.  What are your thoughts for a rain check?”

Lives of Style: What do you say to a man who you’ve been seeing who asks you whether you like sex–and you don’t feel comfortable with this question?

Laura: It’s a fair question for a man who is dating you to ask. If you really feel too comfortable you can say, “You have every right to ask me that, however I am not quite ready to talk about sex. What are your thoughts about getting to know each other a little better first?” Be aware a man may get concerned that you have sexual hang-ups if you don’t at least answer that you do like sex. Another option is to answer him by saying, “You have every right to ask me that. Yes, I do like sex when I am in an exclusive relationship, however right now I am not quite ready to get into a discussion about sex. What are your thoughts about us getting to know each other better first?” 

Lives of Style: What do you text back to a man who you’ve been seeing who texted you to say that he hopes that you will have a great weekend and that he is busy this weekend but looks forward to seeing you soon?

Laura: You can say, “Thank you! I am looking forward to enjoying my weekend. I hope you enjoy yours too! I look forward to hearing from you soon! :-)

Lives of Style: You friends hate him, but you’re head over heels.  What now?

Laura: This is your life and your relationship. Do your best not to get your friends involved in the details.  You can tell your friends, “I appreciate your concern for me and I know you want what’s best for me. I am very happy with (insert boyfriend’s name) and I hope you can be happy for me and respect my relationship.”

Lives of Style: He wants to get serious–whether it’s making things official, moving in together, or looking at puppies–you are just not ready.  How do you handle this?

Laura: You can say, “I really care for you, and I want to continue to develop our relationship. I also want to be honest and tell you I am not ready to (insert topic). What are your thoughts about us discussing that again in a couple of months?”

Lives of Style: When do you know it’s time to break it off?  And what do you say if you decide you don’t want to move forward in the relationship?

Laura: When its truly time you will know because you will realize you can not do it for one more day. At that time you can say, “I want to talk to you about our relationship. Is now a good time?” Wait until he indicates it is a good time then you can say, “You are a great guy and I care for you very much. I have given this a lot of thought and I have come to the realization that it’s time to end our relationship, as I do not have the depth of feelings necessary to continue it. As much as it pains me to cause you discomfort I do not want to discount my feelings or lead you on in any way. You deserve someone to be with you who loves you deeply and is fully committed to the relationship. What are your thoughts about what I am telling you?”

 

While Laura may not be able to email each of you individually, she will answer select questions on her weekly blog.

Remember, log onto www.livesofstyle.com/the_last_word/ and email Laura at Laura@livesofstyle.com

 

 

 

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