Savvy Talk for Smart Dating

Dating

Lives of Style is proud to introduce our NEW “Dating-Speak”™ ©2013 Authority: Laura Pugliese.

Laura–formally trained at the WANT Institute by the pre-eminent relationship therapist–Dr. Pat Allen, is a Certified Communications Coach–one of only 100 who have personally studied under Dr. Allen. Laura combines her training, life experience and spiritually-driven gift for manifesting potent communications in interpersonal relationships. Laura teaches her clients how to cut through emotional reactions and communicate rationally with integrity and love.

Today our “Dating-Speak” ™ ©2013 Authority–Laura shares must-know dating do’s and don’ts that will help you find the success in your relationships.
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Lives of Style: What do you say if your date asks you extremely personal questions on the first date?

Laura: It depends on your comfort level. Answer briefly within reason without divulging too much as is not advisable to get into deeply personal topics, such as previous relationship issues, your financial status or political views. Once the questions feel too uncomfortable you can say, “I appreciate you taking such interest in getting to know me, however I am beginning to feel uncomfortable with such deeply personal questions on our first date. What are your thoughts about us pulling back and sharing things like our hobbies and interests for now?”

Lives of Style: What do you say if your date shares very personal information about himself on the first date and you don’t know how to respond?

Laura: You can say “Thank you so much for your candor. I appreciate your openness. I want to be honest and tell you that I do not feel ready to continue to discuss such deeply personal matters, as I need some time to be around someone and get to know them a bit first. What are your thoughts about the feelings I am sharing with you?”

Lives of Style: What do you say when your date makes a comment about the way you look that makes you feel uncomfortable?

Laura: If you are uncomfortable because it is a lovely compliment, and you are feeling shy then say, “Thank you for the lovely compliment!” If you are uncomfortable because it was sexually charged or crude then you can say, “I appreciate that you want to let me know you find me attractive. I want to be honest and let you know I ave traditional values and feel uncomfortable with comments like that. What are your thoughts about not saying things in that manner?”

Lives of Style: What do you say if the man who you’ve just been casually dating orders for you at a restaurant and you don’t like what he chooses?

Laura: If your date chooses to order for you without first checking with you on your like’s/dislikes and/or food allergies you should definitely speak up in a respectful manner. Once the waitress exits your table you can say, “I want you to know that I respect and appreciate you being such a gentleman and ordering for me. I don’t want to seem disrespectful, but I want to be honest. I just don’t like/or I am allergic to (insert item he ordered) Would it be okay with you if I choose a couple possibilities that would work for me and you could choose one and make the change with the waitress?”

Lives of Style: What do you say to your date if he makes a move to kiss you after he has said something that didn’t make you feel comfortable so you are turned off?

Laura: You can say, “You have every right to say whatever you want to. I want to be honest and tell you that I feel uncomfortable with the comment you just made, and I feel turned off to kissing you right now. What are your thoughts about the feelings I am sharing with you?”

Lives of Style: What do you say on a date if your date won’t stop complementing you and it’s getting annoying because every other comment is a complement?

Laura: You can say, “I appreciate that you want to cherish me and compliment me, but I am starting to feel overwhelmed with the frequency of comments about me. What are your thoughts about easing up a bit and talking about other things to get to know each other better?”

Lives of Style: What do you say if your date accidentally spills his drink on you and you’re wearing your favorite outfit? Do you ask that he pays for your dry cleaning?

Laura: You can say, “I know it was an accident, and I want you to know I am not angry with you about it. My concern is that this is a dry clean only outfit, and I just had it done. What are your thoughts?”

Lives of Style: What do you say if the man who you are dating wants you to do something that feels scary to you with him, like rock climbing?

Laura: If you are open to it, but scared you can say, “I feel scared, but I am open to learning more about how it works and what things are in place for safety. What are your thoughts about finding out more information and having a discussion about it?” If it is just not for you then you can say, “Although I respect and appreciate your interest on rock climbing, it is just too scary and not something I am open to doing. I would be open to going someplace where there is rock climbing if there are other activities or something like a picnic grounds to enjoy together. What are your thoughts?”

Lives of Style: What do you say if your date is checking out other girls while on your date?

Laura: Most men and women notice other attractive men and women. If its a casual glance here and there, but not persistent, then let it be. If it is a constant issue and/or distracting from his focus on you, then you can say, “I want to talk to you about something that feels uncomfortable. You have every right to look at whomever you want, however I want to tell you that I am beginning to feel uncomfortable and turned off as it appears you are distracted and looking at other women often. What are your thoughts about what I am sharing with you?”

Lives of Style: What if your date turns down your ideas for dates and you put a lot of thought into it, even after he asked you for suggestions?

Laura: Ladies! Keep in mind that masculine men will sometimes ask for your suggestions as a way of gathering data. It does not mean he is going to choose one of your suggestions. If it is a sensitive matter for you that he doesn’t choose one of your suggested options you can say, “Thank you so much for wanting to ask me for suggestions.Respectfully, I would feel most comfortable following your lead and leaving the date planning completely up to you. What are your thoughts about doing that?”

While Laura may not be able to email each of you individually, she will answer select questions on her weekly blog.

Remember, log onto www.livesofstyle.com/the_last_word/ and email Laura at Laura@livesofstyle.com

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