What to Say When You’re in a Tricky Dating Situation

Dating How To's

Lives of Style is proud to introduce our NEW “Dating-Speak”™ ©2013 Authority: Laura Pugliese.

Laura–formally trained at the WANT Institute by the pre-eminent relationship therapist–Dr. Pat Allen, is a Certified Communications Coach–one of only 100 who have personally studied under Dr. Allen. Laura combines her training, life experience and spiritually-driven gift for manifesting potent communications in interpersonal relationships. Laura teaches her clients how to cut through emotional reactions and communicate rationally with integrity and love.

Today our “Dating-Speak”™ ©2013 Authority–Laura shares must-know dating do’s and don’ts that will help you find the success in your relationships.

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Lives of Style: Feelings are developing for a close male friend of yours. How do you find out if he’s interested, and what can you say to him to hint that he should ask you out?

Laura:  I don’t believe in putting third parties in the middle, so I would suggest that you avoid asking anyone to find out for you. Third part involvement can be problematic even with the best of intentions. With that in mind if you feel strongly enough, and you are willing to accept the possibility that he’s not interested in becoming romantic you can say, “I want to talk to you about some feelings I am having. Is now a good time? Wait for him to say, “Yes,” or tell you when it is a good time. Then you can say, “We have been friends for a long time, and I really value your friendship. I have recently become aware that I feel attracted to you, and I was thinking about what it would be like if we dated. What are your thoughts about the feelings I am sharing with you, and what do you think of the idea of us dating?”

Lives of Style. A man who you see often gives off a lot of mixed signals but you strongly sense that he is interested in you, what can you say without scaring him off to let him know that you’re responsive to him making an overture? 

Laura: When men are giving mixed signals they may be shy and uncertain. This would be a great scenario to ask him to be your escort to something. Use a party, event or have a couple of tickets to a show, movie or sporting event where you need or can bring an escort? Then you can say, “I want to ask you something. Is now a good time?” Wait for him to say, “Yes.” Then you can say for example, ”I have two tickets to the Lakers game next Saturday, but I don’t have a date to go with. Will you be my escort for it?”

Lives of Style: What do you say to a man who is in your social circle and is shy in person but wants to communicate on the internet, and sends you many emails, about taking it off line and into real life? 

Laura: You can say, “Yes, thank you for asking. I would love to meet in person and get to know each other better, as I do not feel comfortable communicating too deeply on the Internet or with emails. When do you have in mind to get together?”

Lives of Style: What can you say to your friend and the man who you are dating if you are all friends and the two of them are flirting while you are all together. It makes you feel uncomfortable even though you know that they are both flirtatious people. 

Laura: I suggest talking to each of them separately to avoid it becoming very awkward for everyone. You can say to your friend and your date separately, “I want to talk to you about something that feels uncomfortable. Is now a good time?” Wait until she or he says, “Yes.” Then you can say, “I know you are a warm and friendly person, and I love that about you. I don’t think you are doing anything with any negative intent. However, I am noticing when you,  ( insert name), and I are all out together the two of you have developed a very flirty banter. I love that you get along, but I want to be honest and share with you that I feel uncomfortable and somewhat excluded when we are all together. It would feel best if you didn’t do that so much. Can you understand how that might not feel good to me?”

Lives of Style: What do you say to the man who you are dating if you’ve been casually seeing each other and he’s moving at a much faster pace than you?

Laura: You can say, “I want to talk to you about something that feels sensitive. Is now a good time?” Wait until he says, “Yes,” or let’s you know when it would be a good time. Then you can say, “I want you to know I am attracted to you, and I am really enjoying dating and getting to know each other better. The pace you are moving at feels too fast for me right now, and I would feel most comfortable if we could go a little bit slower. I have traditional values, and it’s important to me to take some time really getting to know someone. What are your thoughts about the feelings I am sharing with you and the idea of us moving at a slower pace?”

While Laura may not be able to email each of you individually, she will answer select questions on her weekly blog.

Remember, log onto http://www.livesofstyle.com/the_last_word/ and email Laura at Laura@livesofstyle.com

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