Handle Possible Dating Disasters with Aplomb

Dating in a modern world

Lives of Style is proud to introduce our NEW “Dating-Speak” ™ ©2013 Authority: Laura Pugliese.

Laura–formally trained at the WANT Institute by the pre-eminent relationship therapist–Dr. Pat Allen, is a Certified Communications Coach–one of only 100 who have personally studied under Dr. Allen. Laura combines her training, life experience and spiritually-driven gift for manifesting potent communications in interpersonal relationships. Laura teaches her clients how to cut through emotional reactions and communicate rationally with integrity and love.

Today our “Dating-Speak” ™ ©2013 Authority–Laura shares must-know dating do’s and don’ts that will help you find the success in your relationships.

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Lives of Style: There is someone I know who may or may not be gay, or bi-sexual, but he flirts with me incessantly and holds my hand, tells me how beautiful I am and always wants to get together for dinners (he usually pays). Many of his friends are gay but some of mine are too. The thing is, I’m attracted to him. So what can I do or not do?

Laura: You can say, “I want to talk to you about some feelings I am having. Is now a good time?” Wait until he says yes or tells you when is a good time. Then you can say, “I really enjoy spending time together. I realize we both have friends that are gay, but we haven’t discussed what our own sexual orientation is. I want to share with you that I am straight, and I feel attracted to you. What are your thoughts about what I am sharing with you?”

Lives of Style: I broke up with a man who gambled a lot. It was an obsession with him. He’s been in a 12-step program for the past two years and now assures me he is freed from his gambling addiction and wants to go out with me again. We had a good thing together, with attraction and I loved being with him, but I’m afraid to risk it if he gambles again. What is your advice?

Laura: My suggestion is that if you still have chemistry for this man and want to explore the possibility, it would be in your best interest to first seek the council of a therapist that specializes in addictions and share your concerns. They would be best able to assess where this man is with his recovery could meet with both of you together for guidance. You can say to him, “I still care for you, and I want to consider the possibility of us dating again, however I do have some concerns. I would feel most comfortable talking with someone who specializes in this area, and then going together for an appointment for some guidance. Is that something you are willing to pay for and do?”  It is my opinion that if he is not willing to do this to help you feel comfortable it may be a red flag.

Lives of Style: Help! I’m attracted to two men and I swear I like them both the same. I’ve gone out with each of them five times and they both want to see more of me. One is hinting he wants to be exclusive. Where can I go with this?

Laura: If you are equally attracted to both of them and there has not been a direct request for exclusivity then give it more time seeing both of them until someone specifically and directly asks you for exclusivity. Do your best to date a third person during this time to see if it brings some clarity. When you are not dating exclusively it is best to date at least three people to bring diversity and stop the rumination between the 2 men.

Lives of Style: I belong to a health club in Santa Monica where all the women have perfect bodies and the men don’t have to work to meet someone. We’re right there and it’s “easy pickings” for them. How do I stand out, or catch someone’s eye, besides working out 2 hours a day, which I do, and try to look as good as I can?

Laura: Smile a lot, make and keep eye contact, then make it a habit to ask a man for assistance with the machines moving the weights or adjusting the machine. Be very gracious and say, “Thank you so much for your help. I’m such a girl.” Continue smiling and keeping eye contact.

Lives of Style: How do you respond to a man online who says, “Maybe we can go out sometime,” and then keeps emails general after that? Do I bring up the “generic invite?”

Laura: You don’t have to bring up the general invite. You can say, “Going out sounds great. I would love to. When do you have in mind?”

While Laura may not be able to email each of you individually, she will answer select questions on her weekly blog.

Remember, log onto http://www.livesofstyle.com/the_last_word/ and email Laura at Laura@livesofstyle.com

 

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