Successful Commuciation Save Holiday Relationships

holiday date

Lives of Style is proud to introduce our NEW “Dating-Speak” ™ ©2013 Authority: Laura Pugliese.

Laura–formally trained at the WANT Institute by the pre-eminent relationship therapist–Dr. Pat Allen, is a Certified Communications Coach–one of only 100 who have personally studied under Dr. Allen. Laura combines her training, life experience and spiritually-driven gift for manifesting potent communications in interpersonal relationships. Laura teaches her clients how to cut through emotional reactions and communicate rationally with integrity and love.

Today our “Dating-Speak” ™ ©2013 Authority–Laura shares must-know dating do’s and don’ts that will help you find the success in your relationships.

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Lives of Style: I’ve been seeing a man for three months and he has two little girls from a previous marriage. It’s the holidays and I would like to meet his kids but he hasn’t asked me to do so, can I ask him to set up a special event where we could meet and how would I say that without being too pushy?

Laura: I suggest being open to giving this more time and not suggesting the when and where. Having you meet his children is a big step for him, and it’s an even bigger one for his children. If you want to show openness about meeting them you could say, “I want you to know that I really care about you, and I would love to meet your children. What are your thoughts about us doing that?”

Lives of Style:  My boyfriend and I have been in an exclusive relationship for a year now and we have discussed social and sexual monogamy. He showed me a text that he sent to a wife of one of his friends and he used the words “Love” when signing his name. I felt really uncomfortable about it, what can I say?

Laura: If this is a couple your boyfriend is very close friends with it may just be the way he signs his texts to them as a couple, and he may not haven given thought to the fact that he is writing it just to her this time. Keep that in mind when you approach this.  You can say, “I want to talk to you about some sensitive feelings I am having. Is now a good time? Wait until he says, “Yes.” Then you can say, “I want you to know I respect and appreciate you for being open with me about so many things. Recently you shared with me the text message you wrote to (insert name), and it didn’t feel good to me to see you sign the text with “Love” to another woman who is not a relative, although you had every right to sign it that way. What are your thoughts about me doing that when communicating to another man? And what are your thoughts about the discomfort I am sharing with you?

Lives of Style:  I went on a first date with a man I met at a bar and during dinner he made some off color comments.  He was joking but they turned me off. I didn’t know what to do so I laughed but I don’t think he’s right for me. He just called to ask me out again, what can I say? And what can I say in the moment if it happens again?

Laura: First dates can make anyone nervous and sometimes people say stupid things when anxious. It’s difficult today to know someone’s boundaries.  It’s not fair to judge him when you laughed at the remark because that response didn’t serve as an indication that you were offended by that style of joking. With that in mind if it happens again with him or someone else it is best to say something in the moment. You can say, “You had every right to make those comments. Although I do love good humor, I really don’t feel comfortable with such off color remarks. What are your thoughts about what I am sharing with you?”

Lives of Style:  I recently went out on a date with a man who seems nice and he planned an okay date however he is a vegetarian, and I don’t like vegetarian food. What can I say to him when he calls back to confirm our next date?

Laura: You can say, “Thank you for asking. I enjoyed spending time getting to know you a bit on our last date, and I am open to going out with you again.  I want to be honest with you and let you know that although I completely respect that you are a vegetarian, I personally do not like vegetarian food. What are your thoughts?”

Lives of Style: I’ve been dating a man for about ten times. I like him, not sure I see a future but exploring the relationship because there isn’t anyone better to date at the moment and there is some chemistry.  What keeps knawing at me is that he always pays in cash. Even if we are going to the movies he won’t get tickets early so we have to stand in lines and wait and it gets frustrating because it would be so easy to order on line.  It seems like a red flag. I know he was married, has a son. I can’t figure out if he has bad credit, is married or what. What can I say to him?

Laura: You are not in an exclusive committed relationship leading towards marriage, and it doesn’t sound like you are particularly interested in getting into one with this man based on what you just stated.  With that in mind, he is being a gentleman by taking you out and paying for your dates. He happens to be doing it with cash, which he has a right to do. Are there other reasons for concerns/other flags? You do not have to continue to date him if you don’t like it. If you are concerned that he lied and is currently married, then I suggest you go online and do a paid search. That information is available for a small fee. It’s better than accusing him or making assumptions.

While Laura may not be able to email each of you individually, she will answer select questions on her weekly blog.

Remember, log onto http://www.livesofstyle.com/the_last_word/ and email Laura at Laura@livesofstyle.com

 

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