Find out how to handle any dating dilemma

good date

Lives of Style is proud to introduce our NEW “Dating-Speak” ™ ©2014 Authority: Laura Pugliese.

Laura–formally trained at the WANT Institute by the pre-eminent relationship therapist–Dr. Pat Allen, is a Certified Communications Coach–one of only 100 who have personally studied under Dr. Allen. Laura combines her training, life experience and spiritually-driven gift for manifesting potent communications in interpersonal relationships. Laura teaches her clients how to cut through emotional reactions and communicate rationally with integrity and love.

Today our “Dating-Speak” ™ ©2014 Authority–Laura shares must-know dating do’s and don’ts that will help you find the success in your relationships.

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Lives of Style: I met a man at a bar and we hit it off. He walked me home that night and kissed me. He said he wanted to take me for dinner and took my number. It’s been a week and a half and he never called. I know his name and where he hangs out. Should I go there or facebook him and send him a friend request?

Laura: Thankfully all went well that evening, however I want to warn you that the choice to leave with a man you just met in a bar and let him walk you home can be very risky. It’s unfortunate, but there are very unsavory people in the world who prey on trusting people. Please consider meeting and saying goodbye to all men whom you don’t know well in a public place where there are other people.

Don’t worry about the fact that he hasn’t called you yet; it hasn’t been that long. Give it time. You gave him your number and let him kiss you. He has enough information to know that you are receptive to him. If he is interested in you and if he is grounded in his masculine energy he will call you. I do not recommend sending him a friend request, as it is not in your best interest as a woman to hurry up and pursue him unless you want to be the better man. 

Lives of Style: My boyfriend lost his job and he has pulled away from me. He doesn’t want to plan dates because he says that he doesn’t want to spend money on dinner. And he’s drinking more than ever. I’m turned off. I want to be supportive but what can I say to him?

Laura: Losing his job and source of income can very challenging to a man. He may be feeling down on himself and less of a man for not being able to provide. It’s understandable that you are turned off with the excessive drinking, as it is not a healthy way to deal with things. Anyone can get off balance directly after a hardship, but it is important for you to pay close attention to see if this pattern continues and progresses because it can be a serious red flag of how he copes when the going gets tough.

When you are ready to address the matter you can say, “I want to talk to you about something that may feel uncomfortable. Is now a good time? When he says it’s a good time then you can say “I know you are going through a very difficult time right now since losing your job. I feel badly that you are going through that, and I want you to know if there is anything I can do to help you do better please tell me. I do also want to be honest with you and tell you that I have noticed that you are drinking more, and it scares me and is turning me off. I am concerned that if it continues I will lose the chemistry I have for you, which will result in our relationship ending. I don’t want that to happen, so I want to talk with you about my feelings and fears. What are your thoughts about what I am telling you?”

Lives of Style: I’ve been dating a man for a month and we really like each other. He wants to be exclusive but when I brought up the idea of marriage he said that he never wants to get married. He has been married before and says he’s not interested in doing it again. I want to be married. What can I say to him?

Laura: It sounds like he has been very clear. Decide if you can be happy in an exclusive committed relationship without a marriage license. If the answer is “no,” then it is in your best interest to be up front and honest with him. You can say, “I want to respond to your question about being in an exclusive relationship. Is now a good time to talk about it?” Wait until he says, “Yes,” then you can say, “I am very attracted to you and enjoy spending time together, but I don’t think we are compatible to be in an exclusive relationship because you were clear that you don’t want to get married, and you have every right not to want to. I do want to be in an exclusive relationship that has the potential of leading to marriage, so for that reason I don’t feel comfortable making the commitment. What are your thoughts?” If he wants to think about changing his mind, then it needs to come exclusively from him. If he is 100% set on not getting married again, then it is best for you to move forward to find someone who can offer you what you want.

Lives of Style: My boyfriend is a super flirt and his behavior getting on my nerves. We were at a wedding and he was ogling one of the women who was an attendee. He didn’t do anything physical although he tried to dirty dance with her. She walked away but it didn’t feel good to me to see him do that. What can I say to him?

Laura: You can say, “I want to talk to you about some sensitive feelings I am having. Is now a good time?” Wait for him to say, “Yes,” then you can say, “You have every right to look at and try to dance with whomever you want, however the other night at the wedding it appeared you were ogling and trying to dirty dance with a certain girl. I felt very uncomfortable and embarrassed with that level of flirtation by my boyfriend. It also turns me off and makes me question your intentions. I wouldn’t behave that way with other men out of respect for you and our relationship, and I would feel most comfortable with reciprocation by my partner in regards to other woman.  What are your thoughts about what I am sharing with you, and are you willing to have some boundaries for how each of us act with people of the opposite sex?”

Lives of Style:  I have been in an exclusive relationship with my boyfriend for five months. I’ve met his friends numerous times. They aren’t very welcoming and I don’t enjoy spending that much time with them–their idea of a good time is different than mine. Is this a deal killer? Is there a way I can say something to my boyfriend or just let it go without saying anything?

Laura: Only you can answer the question about whether or not it is a deal killer for you. He can’t nor should he attempt to change or control his friends anymore than you can or should attempt to lift a donkey with your pinky finger, but it’s worth talking to him to get his perspective before throwing in the towel. What you can say to your boyfriend is, “I have something uncomfortable to talk to you about regarding your friends. Is now a good time?” Wait for him to say, :Yes,” Then you can say, “I have noticed that your friends and I don’t enjoy the same things, and I don’t think they like me very much. I don’t know what to do, and I am concerned about how that will impact our relationship over time. What are your thoughts about it, and do you have any suggestions as to how to bridge the gap?” See what he says. Maybe it’s not as bad as you think.

While Laura may not be able to email each of you individually, she will answer select questions on her weekly blog.

Remember, log onto http://www.livesofstyle.com/the_last_word/ and email Laura at Laura@livesofstyle.com

 

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