Handle any Dating Dilemma with Ease

Dating Tips

Lives of Style is proud to introduce our NEW “Dating-Speak” ™ ©2014 Authority: Laura Pugliese.

Laura–formally trained at the WANT Institute by the pre-eminent relationship therapist–Dr. Pat Allen, is a Certified Communications Coach–one of only 100 who have personally studied under Dr. Allen. Laura combines her training, life experience and spiritually-driven gift for manifesting potent communications in interpersonal relationships. Laura teaches her clients how to cut through emotional reactions and communicate rationally with integrity and love.

Today our “Dating-Speak” ™ ©2014 Authority–Laura shares must-know dating do’s and don’ts that will help you find the success in your relationships.

Lives of Style: I know this may sound trite, but my boyfriend and I are taking dancing lessons. Well, he is, and I am accompanying him, since I’ve studied ballroom dance and am proficient. We’re assigned practice sessions, and when he makes a mis-step, I want to correct him, since this affects us–we’d like to compete, but I don’t know how to say it.

Laura: I suggest opening the conversation about it at a time that is a different day and time prior to the dance lesson. You could say, “Honey, I want to talk with you about some thoughts I have regarding the dance lessons and plans for us to compete. When is a good time?” Wait until he says it’s a good time, then you can say, “I think it’s great how open you are to learning to dance, and I think you are doing a great job. I want to do my best to be supportive and respectful of your process. It’s normal that when you are learning there are going to be mis-steps. When that happens I feel torn about what to do because I want to be respectful of you. We also want to be prepared to compete together, so I want to ask you what your thoughts are about me telling you when you have a mis-step in order to help us progress?”

Lives of Style: It seems that more and more men under 30 are looking for friends with benefits and going on “hook-up” sites. I want a man who can date me and hopefully it will lead to marriage. Can I say something early in the date, especially if a man makes inappropriate remarks, or suggests he’s looking for “fun?”

Laura: When a man suggests being friends with benefits or lets you know he wants something casual and fun without a commitment, and you know that is not what you want you can say, “Thank you for your honesty. You have every right to want that, but I have traditional values and do not feel comfortable being sexual with someone until or unless I am in an exclusive relationship. What are your thoughts about what I am sharing with you?” Be willing to risk losing what you really don’t want to make room for what you really want to come. Bee open to dating different types of men as well as men who might be a little bit older thank you and who may be more interested in something more serious. Sometimes the energy of what you really want comes in a different package than you expect.

Lives of Style: I’m tired of all the games men play. I’d like to be straightforward and just say how I feel. I know this is not the right action. What can I say or not say to not sound jaded, or judgemental, but to go with the flow on the date?

Laura: Be receptive and follow the lead of the man unless what he is doing or saying is against your moral value or comfort as a woman. If and when that happens you can say, “You have every right to do or say (whatever he is doing or saying) but it doesn’t feel comfortable to me, and I want you to stop. What are your thoughts about the discomfort I am sharing with you?” Accept and acknowledge that he has every right to do or say what he wants, and you have every right to respectfully reject the things he says or does by letting him know what you don’t feel comfortable with. Decent guys who are interested in you will usually want to help you be more comfortable if you are speaking of your discomforts respectfully. If he becomes mean or very discounting of your feelings he may not be the kind of guy you want to continue dating. You certainly don’t want to make a federal case or nit pick every little thing. When there is a true discomfort it is best not to tolerate it, which would be the case when you act like everything is okay because you are not saying anything about how you feel. That’s when you risk developing anger and resentments which could be damaging.

Lives of Style: I’m 35 and my long-term boyfriend of seven years just broke up with me to be with a 23-year old. I’m dating again. How do I explain what happened to new men I’m dating.

Laura: You dated someone for seven years, and it ended. Essentially you grew apart. I don’t think you need to announce to guys you’re dating that your ex is dating a 23 year old. Be present with the men who you are dating, and don’t worry about explaining your previous boyfriend’s dating choices. Who he is dating is not relevant to your current dating life. Down the road when you are dating someone special exclusively you can share more if you want to.

Lives of Style: I’m wildly attracted to a player. I know he is but I can’t get out of it. Is there anything I can say that will a)make him fess up and go away or b)go on the straight and narrow and be with me?

Laura: Being attracted to him is chemistry, which is not a choice. What you do about it is completely your choice. You can certainly date him if he asks to take you out on dates. If he is a player just make sure that when he tries to get sexual with you that you keep your boundaries and say, ” I am very attracted to you, but I don’t feel comfortable doing that unless we agree first to be in an exclusive and committed relationship with a promise ring to symbolize our commitment. You have every right not to want to do that, and I respect that. I feel scared, and I am asking you to be honest with me and not lead me on in order to have sex. What are your thoughts?”

You have every right to protect yourself from being used. He has every right to go play somewhere else where he can get away with being a player, or he can choose to step up to being a better man if he wants you. Don’t worry about losing him because you value yourself. You are worthy of being with a gentleman who values you.

While Laura may not be able to email each of you individually, she will answer select questions on her weekly blog.

Remember, log onto http://www.livesofstyle.com/the_last_word/ and email Laura at Laura@livesofstyle.com

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