Handle any Tricky Dating Situation with Style

dating

Lives of Style is proud to introduce our NEW “Dating-Speak” ™ ©2014 Authority: Laura Pugliese.

Laura–formally trained at the WANT Institute by the pre-eminent relationship therapist–Dr. Pat Allen, is a Certified Communications Coach–one of only 100 who have personally studied under Dr. Allen. Laura combines her training, life experience and spiritually-driven gift for manifesting potent communications in interpersonal relationships. Laura teaches her clients how to cut through emotional reactions and communicate rationally with integrity and love.

Today our “Dating-Speak” ™ ©2014 Authority–Laura shares must-know dating do’s and don’ts that will help you find the success in your relationships.
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Lives of Style: I am dating a man who I feel no chemistry with, because there are no other men in my (small town) and I’ve had no luck online.

I’m 42, average looking with a serious personality. Anyway, he is getting increasingly serious, and said he is falling in love with me. I’ve told him how I felt, and he says he thinks I’ll change my mind, but it’s been 6 months and I don’t feel anything for him. What can I say to break it off (kindly)?

Laura: It is good to be open and go out on several dates with a new man to see if chemistry develops. Sometimes as women we can be used to a certain type of man and think someone is not our type because he’s different. It is possible to open up to the energy of a different type of man over time when the way he treats us feels good. If chemistry hasn’t developed by 6 months, and you know you aren’t feeling anything then it is best to be honest and kindly tell him the truth.

You can say, “I want to talk to you about something sensitive. Is now a good time?”Wait for him to say, “Yes,” or tell you when it is a good time. Then you can say, “You are a very good man. and I have complete respect for you. Although I do care for you, I also know that I do not feel the romantic chemistry necessary to continue dating you. I do not want to lead you on and cause you more pain later, so I want to tell you now. You deserve to find someone who returns your feelings, and I know that it’s not me. I do wish you all the best finding the right woman for you.”

Lives of Style: I freeze when I meet a new man, and either talk too much or don’t talk enough. How can I speak in a feminine way and not be too quiet or too talkative?

Laura: When you go out smile at men and hold that smile and eye contact for at least 5 seconds in order to signal them that you are receptive to their approach. When a man does approach and speak remember to breath, and be present. Listen to what he says, and respond accordingly. If there are questions you can ask that are relative to the subject matters he is talking about, then ask him. Smile and be patient. Don’t be afraid if there are pauses. Men generally don’t rattle off as many thoughts as rapidly as women do. If possible practice with some male friends you feel comfortable with. Ask them to role play this with you.

Lives of Style: My mother (I live at home–at 25) comes into the entryway when my dates are waiting for me and takes over the conversation. At first I just put it down to her friendliness. But now it’s really irritating. I’ve had dates meet me outside in a car, and my mother has even walked over to the car to chat with them. What can I say to her? It’s embarrassing.

Laura: You can say, “Mom, I want to talk to you about something that may feel sensitive. Is now a good time?” Wait for her to say, “Yes,” or tell you when it is a good time. “Then you can say, “I love you very much, and I care deeply about your feelings. For those reasons, I have been struggling with telling you this. It feels very uncomfortable to me at 25 years old for my mother to come out and talk to my dates when they come to pick me up. It would feel best to me if you stopped doing that. Will you give me the space to go out and greet my dates alone please?”

Lives of Style: My roommate is sloppy and when I have a date come over for dinner or to pick me up I have to clean and clean or explain the mess to them, which doesn’t feel good. She’s not dating anyone and doesn’t care about how things look. What can I say to her that will get her to at least keep our living room clean of her mess?

Laura: You can say, “I want to talk to you about something uncomfortable. Is now a good time? Wait for her to say, “Yes,” or tell you when is a good time. Then you can say “I want to talk with you about our living conditions. You have every right to keep your room however you want to. When it comes to our shared space like the living room and kitchen it’s not fair to me when there are messes that I didn’t make that I have to clean up in order to feel comfortable having guests over. I do not want you to clean up after me, and I do not want to clean up after you. I wanted to bring this up now because I recognize that I feel frustrated, and I do not want to carry resentment towards you. I will clean up after myself regularly, and I am asking you to clean up after yourself regularly. Will you agree to do that, please?”

Lives of Style: How can I tell on a date that a man is attracted to me? Should I say anything to flush them out? I’ve had men tell me I’m beautiful, say “I want to show you this…,” etc. and promise everything under the sun and never call me, and others who were quiet and didn’t say too much ask me out at the end of the date. Even eye contact doesn’t mean that much.

Laura: Unfortunately no matter what someone says on a date, there are no guarantees, and everything is a risk. Sometimes it’s just not the right match, and he knows it but doesn’t want to be unkind on the date. When a man really wants you and is secure and grounded in his masculinity he will find a way to pursue you. Other times a man may really like you but isn’t secure enough, ready or looking for the level of commitment you require. When it’s right it will become clear and feel good. Be open and patient. The right man will come.

While Laura may not be able to email each of you individually, she will answer select questions on her weekly blog.

Remember, log onto http://www.livesofstyle.com/the_last_word/ and email Laura at Laura@livesofstyle.com

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