Navigating Online Dating

Online Dating

Lives of Style’s DatingSpeak ™ ©2015 addresses questions about dating, relationships and communication.

Our Lives of Style authority–Laura Pugliese, shares must-know dating “Do’s and Don’ts” that will help you find success in your relationships.

Lives of Style: I’m online dating now and I want to know what I should be doing or not doing? Can I wink at a man who I find attractive or is that pursuing a man? And I was just “favorited” by a man should I “favorite” him too? What does that even mean?

Laura: Yes, winking is the best way to show that you are receptive to his pursuit. You can initiate a wink to any man to show that you are receptive to his pursuit. It’s a feminine way to be seen by a man who may not have seen your profile or has seen it and is shy and uncertain. If he winks or “favorites” you, then it is also best to wink as a response. A man who is interested in you and who is grounded in his masculine energy will see the green light from your wink and will email you. Keep in mind that not everyone is a perfect fit for everyone. You have every right to pursue the man who is being passive and not pursuing you. However, if you want to be anchored in your feminine energy respond to the men who do pursue you, and let go of the ones who don’t.

Lives of Style: I have been seeing someone for a while and it just ended so I’m joining an online dating service. I just started communicating with some men and I don’t like it. I feel like I’m being interviewed–the conversation isn’t flowing easily, it’s more of a grill session. What can I say to these men who call so that is seems more natural?

Laura: You can say, “You have every right to ask me so many questions, and I appreciate your interest in wanting to know so many things about me. I want to be clear that I don’t think you have any intentions to cause me discomfort, but I feel a little overwhelmed and would feel most comfortable if you could slow down on the questioning. What are your thoughts about doing that and sharing some things about you?”

Lives of Style: I’ve been emailing with a man for a few weeks and he hasn’t asked me out yet. I really like him so how can I move it to the next level so we can meet?

Laura: If you are online for dating purposes it is best to share a couple emails, texts or phone calls, and then move forward to meeting to avoid premature attachments to people you have no chemistry with in person. With that in mind you can say, “I have enjoyed getting to know each other through email. I know we haven’t discussed meeting, and I realize that I do not feel comfortable continuing an ongoing email relationship with you without meeting in person to see if we have chemistry and a mutual interest in each other for dating. I am open to meeting if that’s what you want to do. What are your thoughts?”

Lives of Style: I’ve been chatting with a man who I met online and it has been wonderful. I so enjoy talking with him. He lives in another city from me–2 hours away by plane — so we haven’t met yet. It’s strange that I think he might be the one but I don’t even know what he looks like. Help! What should I do?

Laura: Be very careful, and do not put all of your eggs in this one basket.  You said you don’t even know what he looks like, so I am presuming that you haven’t seen a picture of him. Question #4 should give you some insight. Two hours by plane shouldn’t be a real problem if he is interested in you. The next time you chat with him you can open the dialogue and say, “I want to talk to you about something that feels sensitive to me. Is now a good time?” Wait for him to say, “Yes.” Then you can say the dialogue from question #4 just replace ongoing email relationship with ongoing chatting relationship.

Lives of Style:  I meet people in bars, in coffee houses, setups etc. and also online. I’ve noticed that the men who I date online aren’t as chivalrous of me when I meet them. They almost don’t seem as interested or serious. I’m not sure if it’s because they can just keep meeting other girls and never have to be committed. Is there anything I can say to my online dates to let them know I like chivalry and am serious about meeting someone special and eventually get married?

Laura: You can say something when they contact you through email and ask you out or ask you about yourself. You can add, “I have traditional values and feel most comfortable respecting the lead of a chivalrous gentleman. What are your thoughts?” You may lose a few, but keep the faith that the right one for you is out there. Also, I want to add that the woman’s movement has been great for women getting into the work force and being respected, but it has been quite confusing for men to know if a woman wants to be cherished as a woman or respected like a man when it comes to relating personally. I find that decent men (and there are many) are very happy to be chivalrous to a feminine woman who gently communicates her comforts to him with respect.

Lives of Style and Lives of Style’s DatingSpeak ™ ©2015 want to facilitate answers to questions.  While authorities such as Laura may not be able to email each of you individually, select questions will be answered. 

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