Say No to What You Don’t Want

dating

Lives of Style is proud to introduce our NEW “Dating-Speak” ™ ©2014 Authority: Laura Pugliese.

Laura–formally trained at the WANT Institute by the pre-eminent relationship therapist–Dr. Pat Allen, is a Certified Communications Coach–one of only 100 who have personally studied under Dr. Allen. Laura combines her training, life experience and spiritually-driven gift for manifesting potent communications in interpersonal relationships. Laura teaches her clients how to cut through emotional reactions and communicate rationally with integrity and love.

Today our “Dating-Speak” ™ ©2014 Authority–Laura shares must-know dating do’s and don’ts that will help you find the success in your relationships.
______________________________________________________________________________

Lives of Style: I am a single woman and my job is demanding. I am making time to be available for dating but I cannot meet for lunch dates and a lot of men are asking me out for lunch during the week. What can I say to them so that we can change it to a dinner or coffee date?”

Laura: You can say, “Thank you so much for your lunch invitation. I do want to meet you.  Unfortunately I am unable to meet during the week due to my work hours. I am available to meet for lunch on the weekend, and I am also available in the evening after work. What are your thoughts?”

Lives of Style:  OMG the man who I am dating infuriates me when we are planning dates. He only texts me, which I don’t like, and then he keeps switching where we will meet or what we will do. What can I say to him because I enjoy spending time with him when we are together but I want to scream at the phone when he changes our agreed upon date?

Laura: You can say, “I want to talk to you about some things that feel uncomfortable to me. Is now a good time?” Wait until he says, “Yes,” then you can say, “I appreciate you and the time you take to plan our dates, and I always enjoy spending time with you. I know some people are more spontaneous and very open to last minute changes. Although I am open to changes from time to time I generally do best when we stick to our original agreed upon date. Also, texting is a great asset to have in a pinch, but I am most comfortable with phone calls as the main form of communication. What are your thoughts about what I am sharing with you about my comforts for our plans and talking on the phone to communicate rather than texting most of the time?”

Lives of Style: I had a great first date with a man who I really want to see again. He texted me and asked me out for the following Wednesday night. I had a birthday dinner already planned so I said I wasn’t available but was available on Friday, Sunday or Monday. He texted me back that he is going out of town and will try to make something work. It’s been a week, what can I say or do?

Laura: As a feminine woman there is nothing you need to say or do until or unless you hear from him. He wanted to see you, so he pursued you and asked you out. You were not available, but you did give him some options of availability.  He was clear that he was going out of town, and he would try to make something work. If he wants to ask you out again, then you will hear from him when he is ready to do that. In the meantime continue to respond to other men who are actively pursuing you.

Lives of Style: I have been seeing a number of men and one of them wanted me to go exclusive with him. I decided to say yes to see where it went.  I told one of the other men that I wasn’t going to be able to see him anymore because I wanted to explore another relationship. I was surprised; he lashed out at me and called me terrible names. I didn’t know what to say in that situation. What could I have done because I took what he said and didn’t say anything back?

Laura: The good news is that you learned that this guy is immature and let’s his ego control his tongue before you got involved too deeply. It’s also good that you didn’t stoop to his level and lash back with negative remarks. If this happens again in the future with someone else you can say, “You have every right to be angry and choose to call me names, however it is unacceptable to me to listen to this any longer, so I am (hanging up now–if you are on the phone) or (leaving now–if it is in person).” The truth is that he does have every right to say and do whatever he chooses. It is your job to set your boundary for what you accept or reject.

Lives of Style:  I found out that my boyfriend has posted a few things on another woman’s page that didn’t sit well with me. I think they are inappropriate but don’t know how to tell him. What can I say because he says that I am too sensitive?

Laura: You can say, “I want to talk to you about something that feels sensitive to me. Is now a good time?” Wait for him to say, “Yes,” then you can say, “You have every right to post whatever you want on the internet, however it didn’t feel good to me to see that you posted (insert what he posted on (insert her name)’s page). You may think that I am too sensitive, and you have every right to think that. I know myself, and I know that having my boyfriend posting these type of things on other women’s pages doesn’t feel comfortable to me, and it really turns me off. I would not make posts like that on other men’s pages because I would not feel comfortable disrespecting you. What are your thoughts about us talking it through and setting mutually agreed upon boundaries regarding Internet postings on pages of people of the opposite sex?

While Laura may not be able to email each of you individually, she will answer select questions on her weekly blog.

Remember, log onto http://www.livesofstyle.com/the_last_word/ and email Laura at Laura@livesofstyle.com

Both comments and pings are currently closed.

Comments are closed.

Twitter Delicious Facebook Digg Stumbleupon Favorites More